The Gift

I think I'm fairly socially adept. However, I feel in my life that I have had a difficult time making friends. It's not as though people don't like me, but they don't reach out. I've been told I'm considered to be unapproachable and aloof. This perception may come because I am reserved and shy around large groups.

Not at tango festivals, though.

The past weekend, I went to a tango festival in Arizona. I was asked to be a DJ, something I love to do.

Normally at a festival, endorphins are high and oxytocin is aplenty, as people from far and wide come together in a tango embrace and there is endless mirth. Plus, when the time comes for me to perform, I often deliver an A-game, resulting in many accolades, and a feeling of accomplishment. The combination makes me infinitely happy.

Things were also a little different this time. More than before, I felt optimistic and unabashed. Accepting of myself, perhaps, more than in years past. For someone who complains of a hard time making friends, I had no trouble. In fact, I was rarely not in a social setting, I was always being invited to drinks, lunch. I was never alone. 

Was there a lesson here, a gift for everyday life?

The highs one experiences may be seen to be coming from external factors - in this case meeting people and joining together in embrace after a long time apart. However, this experience and the feelings that result, are a reality constructed inside one's own self, and that reality, even if shared with others by connection to a common theme, is still uniquely experienced and felt for each person. 

Why were things different this time? I realized that this "external" factor was, perhaps, simply me being responsive to external factors: people and the community. Me offering my best to others. I was more positive and less judgmental than I remember. My internal emotional landscape appeared to define the external response.

If the internal landscape indeed shapes our external reality, then having a clear mental and emotional space must be quite important to pursuing a life vision, which in my case is building a community of support. 

Hate, judgment, and an unhealthy fixation on imagined results cause you to lose sight of your vision. Because such fixation leads to depression, which saps motivation and action towards vision. 

Perhaps finally realizing this, I connected with others without expectation of anything: a dance, a date, social acceptance. I refused to judge anyone or revisit poor opinions of them; I even forgave them. It all just appeared to flow through me like water. 

This is the gift I have chosen to receive. I wonder what would happen if I brought this realization into my local life and tango events. Would my experience of them improve? Would it be easier to integrate into groups? Would it be easier to appreciate myself on my own?