**Please also read this post-mortem regarding a particular event in San Francisco called "Malevaje". Note that screenshots are redacted, but real names of these organizers are given.
https://ashviniyer.blogspot.com/2025/02/the-territorial-organizer-post-mortem.html
I have been a tango organizer (and DJ) since 2010. As of this writing I make a living exclusively from Tango. I host milongas and bring important teachers and musicians to the San Francisco and Bay Area.
Tango organizers are said to do a service to community by bringing dance and happiness to everyone. I find the business to be highly territorial, often bringing out the worst in people.
This is a showcase on bullying and harassment that some Tango organizers in the Bay Area indulge in and seem to enjoy. Names are fictitious, but the organizers are real. I will disclose real names if asked privately.
In today's San Francisco tango scene, some organizers have practically banned me from entering their milongas and events.
Through the years, I have endured bullying, fake friendships, unwritten loyalty agreements, forced apologies and cagey social dynamics. I often felt that no matter what kind of event I produced, I would be hunted down and harassed by an organizer.
Every type of gaslighting tactic has been used on me. Some examples:
"You are messing with the community"
"You are not a team player"
"You don't collaborate"
"This doesn't create a good relationship between us"
"I know you are my friend, and I am sure YOU wouldn't do this".
I have faced retaliation. I have lost and been threatened with loss of relationships. I have been overlooked for DJ gigs or offered second rate dates. No doubt, many a word has been said about me in private conversations between organizers.
In my first year of organizing, I was bullied by two reputable organizers Alex and Bailey. One accused me of making "ripples in the community fabric" and the other asked me "what my goals and objectives were for tango".
Alex copied a number of teachers into an email and made a show of publicly shaming me for a draft flyer I created for a planned event and had sent to them privately, asking for feedback. I was shocked and humiliated on that day. I felt I had committed a terrible crime. I even wrote a detailed apology! However, it was the years in the business that began to show me that I was never wrong to have done anything I did, and that this tactic used by the establishment organizers was extremely effective.
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| Alex attempted public shaming during my first year as an organizer |
Teacher/organizer Bailey called me on the phone to harass me about an event I was doing in a venue they previously used two years before. Why was I using that venue and why couldn't I find "another one". I was grilled about my goals and objectives, and endured hostile treatment in person.
One day, I was asked to host a milonga in the absence of the organizer Chris, at a venue that has a regular milonga on a different day, hosted by organizer Dylan. I accepted the assignment because I needed the money, but I endured hostile treatment from Dylan. It wasn't even my event, but the fact that I agreed to host it apparently meant a "betrayal" of someone, who was not really a friend. That "relationship" was only repaired after I took a big-name Buenos Aires maestro to Dylan's event to offer classes and performances. And so we become “friends” again. Organizer Chris tried their best, but was never heard from again after the others bullied them out of business.
Another time, I was told that an organizer Efrain of a long running and highly patronized milonga which had a completely different crowd, was "unhappy" because my event was "taking away their patrons".
Organizer Farris has a long-running milonga in a beautiful San Francisco venue. I booked that venue for a weekend event (not coinciding with or disrupting his event in any way) 8 months into the future. I had intended to bring my patrons to his weekly milonga by buying bulk tickets to his event. I called him to discuss the plan. See in the message below, I had invited him to come to my milonga in Oakland as a guest. He never responded even.
But before I could make the proposal to Farris and his partner Grey, Farris got wind of the event from someone and proceeded to send me a nasty message. I realize this happened all because I didn't "ask Farris' permission" because it is "their venue" (a private, commercial establishment, and a hall for rent where he has no ownership). And without even giving me a chance, he had assumed the worst of me. He never liked me for many years, and wanted to give me a piece of his mind. He called me a coward and questioned my character.
My response completely respectful and showing intention to collaborate, even. Farris and Grey had already assumed the worst of me as a person. Such was their insecurity that unless I begged forgiveness, apologized, and promised "this would never happen again" (although it isn't clear what), there was no redemption. A form of cancellation.
Another note on this San Francisco Milonga. Bailey - the organizer I referred to earlier - went so far as to advise me to "beg Farris for forgiveness" in order to atone for the sin of booking "their venue" without "permission". Imagine having to "beg for forgiveness" to earn a living.
And my response to Bailey was respectful, as has been to each organizer in our toxic communcations.
Another organizer Hayden slandered me behind my back to people close to me, conveniently massaging and altering facts to suit the victim narrative. I had called their event venue's management to ask if it would be available for a one time event, and informed Hayden that I had done so. Hayden was offended I wanted to use "her venue" to create an event.
Imtiaz, one of the establishment teachers, ran a weeknight milonga. One day, they "took me aside" after I walked in to his milonga as a dancing patron, and gave me the "birds and bees" talk. "You know, we built this community, and have an interest in preserving it. You should collaborate with everyone". Gave me a whole spiritual spiel - asked me to "lose my anger". Well, Imtiaz was, at least, very nice.
These are just a few examples. I have many more stories that I have left out in interest of brevity. It is worth noting that not all is bad: some of the relationships have been repaired (no doubt conditionally).
A recurring theme here is territory; more specifically, using venues for tango events that are used by other organizers. This is frowned upon here - and for no good reason. San Francisco Bay Area is a healthy community with many dancers, allowing multiple events to thrive simultaneously. There should be no need to"ask permission" from an organizer who doesn't own a venue so that someone else can use said venue.
This "rule" where organizers "don't book others' venues" exists for no other reason than because it works really well to keep others out, and no one has the stomach to challenge these people. This needs to change immediately.
Bullying works, because organizers have no other recourse to prevent you from following your ideas. These unwritten rules were only created to suit establishment organizers and prevent anyone new from coming up. If you are a new or more recent organizer, beware of this trap.
Establishment organizers (myself included) need to embrace the fact that "their venue" is in fact a commercial enterprise that others are entitled to. It is highly disrespectful and smacks of a sense of entitlement to put pressure on other organizers because your territory is "threatened".
New and Prospective Organizers: I encourage you to go after your visions for success in Tango and bringing communities together. Don't get bullied into "doing the right thing" by people with vested interests.
2 comments:
Name the names, and sue their arses. This is America
I dunno, Ashvin, there seems to be one common element in all these interactions.
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