AM Anxiety

3/15/06 11:20 am It seems that I have anxiety in the mornings. Maybe it is a side effect of the medication (Remeron), or maybe I always had it but since I was rushing to work, I never noticed it.
I had breakfast at Emery Bay Cafe. When I arrived at the place, I saw a perfect seat by the window but one other person was ahead of me in line. I was anxious that the person ahead of me would take the seat. This appeared really irrational - there were many other equally good seats available. In the end, I took a different seat anyway.
I made a call to my mom in India. As we were talking, I got a beep indicating a call waiting on my cellphone. When I looked at the display, it said "no number". I thought it was my company or HR calling about my leave of absence. I was hit with sudden panic. I couldn't concentrate on the conversation with my mom, and had to make a quick excuse to hang up. Turns out it was Josephine. She was calling to catch up.
The previous day I had exchanged an email with the HR coordinator to extend my leave and she had responded in a stern-sounding tone. That was probably the reason for the panic attack - I thought that maybe she would scold me. When I came home today, she had replied to another email and her tone did not sound stern at all! I wonder why I got so panicky. Maybe it is the guilt of being away from work. Maybe it is general anxiety.
I think I will call around to see if I can get hypnotherapy. I have been anxious like this for months I think.